Article I

This is the first of four articles with the same intention - to get clear on self abandonment behaviors, so you can regain clarity + control within your own personal power.

But, the truth is that most of us were really not taught to look within to find home, comfort, wisdom, knowing, or even God. We were more so taught that we need some sort of intermediary to find these things, and that could only be found outside of us. So, from a very young age we began searching for the answers, the solutions, strategies, degrees, and churches that could embody our deep need to know.

I also think back to the times when I was a small child who could not cook for myself, go shop for myself, and needed someone to help me cross the street. But that guidance was only because I could not do it myself. I lacked the cognition, practice, and experience. So it made sense to receive assistance for an outside intermediary source. 

But, from a young age I desired to learn how to do most things myself. And, so this also meant that much was sourced from within, just like my imagination. My imagination fed me ideas constantly about how to do something more efficiently, how to make it more beautiful, and how to put things together in a way that would make sense for the future.

Unfortunately, our imagination is only celebrated for so long. Until someone decides to break this harsh reality to you - that your ideas aren’t real, and you have to be a hardworking, responsible person to really matter, and by following these rules, along this neat, linear path, you will receive what you want out of life.

Isn’t that a convenient little box to contain all of your passion, imagination, innovation, and self leadership…Because I figured out pretty quickly that following the rules wasn’t going to be for me. And, I really struggled with this because I didn’t know if I could trust myself with my own dreams, or if I should outsource them to something else. My greatest fear was that I could be wrong, and everyone would judge me, and I should have listened. And if I followed the rules I could have avoided so much pain and suffering…

Yet, all that has come through me as a knowing, a pull, a sacral yes, and a magnetic match was met with so much exterior resistance, that I felt constantly in conflict with myself. The exterior world was winning. How could I contend with what everyone else is thinking and saying? How could my knowing, my pull, and my alignment be more determined than theirs?

My knowing is stronger than yours, unless I’m wrong. And most people are more afraid of being wrong than being correct. And the key remains hidden in the rubble.

Because I was celebrated for following the rules and living by other people’s values, as well as the predetermined constructs of society that I had no voice in constructing myself. So, why would I give away so much consciousness + energy, so much of my own sacred self, a way to live outside of myself for other people in any family, culture, or society?

This is where I realized that even though I have witnessed a lot of eye rolls, jaw drops of disapproval, doubt/fear vibes, and disappointment from others because of what I knew I must choose for myself. 

I must keep going to reclaim all of myself that had been abandoned throughout this 40+ year process. I realized and said out LOUD, “I am HERE to be me. I am MINE. I am that I AM.”

That statement right there shook the tectonic plates from within, and a vibration shuddered throughout my body, like when you get a strong feeling of divine presence.

Self abandonment is tricky, and it can feel like being in a narcissistic relationship with yourself. Making constant excuses and validating how negatively you treat yourself, to the point that you are completely brainwashed by it and believe that you are the bad guy that needs to be punished. You believe that you are wrong, you are selfish, and unworthy of living in alignment with your true identity + spirit.

Because who wants to deal with constant questioning, invalidation, and feeling crazy for choosing themselves over other people who really just want their own needs met as well. 

And that’s the thing…

Most people are also playing this exact game, in a narcissistic relationship with themselves, and trying to grapple for whatever scraps they can within the human dynamic of transactional behaviors. Outside people and influences are not the enemy.

You've become your own enemy by not acknowledging power within your own self leadership.

You wouldn't typically fear an ant even though it can carry so much more than you. You wouldn't look at yourself as inferior because the ant is so much stronger. You know with absolute certainty that you have the power to eliminate the ant all together. But you lack the same clarity, because most of your life is filled with illusions. 

So, what exactly is self abandonment, then?

It is a behavior that can actually be so subtle in how it shows up. It has a way of feeling normal, like you’re being a more responsible person to choose anything else, but yourself. 

However, what is actually occurring is the slow erosive breakdown of sacred materials from within, that can never be outsourced authentically without.

I’ve been doing this work for 25+ years, and have worked with thousands of clients. I have a forensic connection to emotions and thoughts as a psychic coach, and work closely with these parts, so my clients can begin their awareness journey that leads to exponential transformation.

I can remember being little and having a grand idea of what I would represent in this world. That I would have a big presence and voice, with loads of impact to help others do the same for themselves. Find the treasure within by clearing the entangled blocks that conceal the light of each person’s intrinsic truth.

But the journey to becoming this person was experienced with so much self abandonment, that thankfully I’ve been able to learn from, pivot, and share. I journeyed within to find what is genuine, and to learn the truth that no one will ever have “me” more than I have myself.

No matter what. But we’ve been brainwashed into believing that more money will do it, the right partner will reinforce it, and the right circumstances will integrate it. And, this is a journey of third density reality - contending with the ego in a material world of haves and have nots.

So, ask yourself this:

• Have I abandoned myself to meet the expectations of others, dropping my standards?
• Have I abandoned my heart to overcommit to someone else’s desires?
• Have I sacrificed my spirit to acquire what I believe measures me as a successful person?
• Have I abandoned myself to override my own intuitive pulse, and cater to the ego of another?
• Have I abandoned my own soul to honor the expectations of culture/societal norms?

Most of the time these are not conscious choices. You didn’t wake up this morning with excitement about all the ways you could screw yourself over and self abandon today! It’s really because it was so instilled into your mind that this is more important than honoring your own direction, spirit, intuition, knowing, and heart. 

In the following three articles, I am going to lay out the 3 areas of life that show up the most in recognizing and recalibrating your relationship with self abandonment.

Before that, feel into these words as you speak them to yourself out loud. Affirm this for yourself, as I did: “I am HERE to be me. I am MINE. I am that I AM.”

Give yourself time and space to journal on these words, and how the vibration of them sequenced together resonate in your body.

Self Abandonment Article II is unlocked! Click HERE to access <3