Article II

As I shared in the previous article, self abandonment is a behavior that affects us all to a certain degree. We do it, and watch as others do it themselves. The difficulty is that we have been doing it for so long that it becomes elusive to us. You’re so used to feeling frustrated, stuck, angry, disappointed, unheard, unseen, that you believe your feelings/thoughts/opinions are not welcome. 

I often notice self abandonment within myself when I get really frustrated with a situation.

And, as a manifesting generator, this is pretty appropriate. Frustration is the key theme for this energy type to know something is not in alignment within its authentic framework. 

The frustration could easily trigger the release of other challenging feelings that were accompanied by a very unhealthy narrative. And, I want to emphasize that the negative self talk; the dialogue that fulfills a particular storyline can sneak up and refer to the most harmful manifestations. 

But, you’re so used to experiencing these lower vibration emotions that they become the central theme to your life, rather than contentment, fulfillment, gratitude, peace, desire, and faith. 

If you pay close enough attention, this is where you'll notice the wobble. This is when I began to notice that the dichotomy of who I am is based on two different versions. 

The one that was raised by my family and society, in which I refer to as default mode. And then there is the authentic self within me that when the default is clear, you can connect with a deeper truth that is muffled by the noise of the ego self. 

If you pay close enough attention, you can feel it. If there was a time you felt so confident about trying something new that had been pinned on your vision board, and perhaps a loved one having a negative reaction that took the wind right out of your sails? That's where the default is triggered.

If you are not solid on your ability to move with it, no matter what the outcome, the higher self submits power to the lower self - again.

• Do I abandon myself because someone else did not validate my thoughts, vision, idea, or passion? 
• Do I shrink my energy field, close off my heart, and allow my entire auric field to constrict in fear?

At this point it actually becomes so easy to break commitments with yourself, starting with the basics. Do you honor your own needs for rest, nourishment, sleep, and play? These are the basic foundational behaviors of what you require as a human, and they tend to be sacrificed first.  

You will forgo curiosity and play for more dutiful projects, work, and responsible efforts that measure progress - and yet you feel depleted and deprived.

You sacrifice your own intuition and deep knowing for the pressuring influence of someone else, you are still doubting the power of the higher self and the miracles of spirit. And yet, when you are no longer abandoning your emotional field, spiritual thirst, and higher consciousness - you begin to reclaim your faith in your desires and ability as a divine human to manifest.

But this is sourced from deep love, gratitude, connectivity, and trust.

However, the "default" way of living comes natural, to the point that you don't even recognize how often you are pouring out personal power, and continue to seek wisdom and answers outside of yourself.

And, it's not to say that you aren't going to find a multitude of answers, informations, and new tools by looking outside of yourself, because I LOVE investing in programs, and am usually juggling 3-4 books at a time.

But it's the energy behind that decision.

Is it: "I choose this because I don't trust myself and I don't know what to do. If I purchase this it will make everything better." OR "I choose this because I am receiving a solid yes in my body that investing in this will strengthen my co-creation. I trust in my knowing, and when it's time to make a move."

You desire to make moves from a deeper truth, a stronger inner tether to what is true and real. And you know you can feel this so deeply too. But you've grown up accepting that disappointing and bailing on yourself is a normal method to get to where you want to go?

You've become accustomed to your negative inner self dialogue, yet remain non confrontational with others because you fear conflict. 

Yet, you will give so much of yourself to what you could completely live without. 

WHY?

No - why do you really do it?

• Do you feel better about who you are when you give your power away? 
• Do you really think that the approval of someone else matters more than the approval of your own agency? 
• Do you really believe that in order to be correct you must be validated by an outside source? 
• To know you’re on the right path, you have to receive permission and approval by an outside source? 
• Do you really believe that you need an intermediary between yourself and your God? 

That right there was the pivotal moment of clarity I experienced as the foundation that would recognize where I had been abandoning myself.

And, to be clear, I am a powerful medium for many intellectual, spiritual, and emotional transformations in one’s life. But, that is only when seeking support and guidance that reinforces the development of that journey. Not because they are feared into believing it is the only way they will get to where they are going. 

I love having conversations about these topics because I can feel the power of service, being a light in the world, and sharing ideas and insights about the best way for each of us to embody that. 

Not just say, "I KNOW," but actually move beyond the intellectual phase, and work towards the embodiment phase.

But it is through these potent talks that so many mirrors are encountered, and you have such an opportunity to use that as an interpretation of how you really think and feel. Using this as a calibration tool to realign areas that can be strengthened, healed, cleared, or activated.

Based on your knowing, your desire, your heart-mind connection - your divine truth. That gets shaped from within by you and your will, commitment, and intention to do so. Only when you are abandoning yourself do you look at yourself as less than, inadequate, challenged, or stuck. 

There are natural cycles and rhythms to all that exists within nature, and you are no exception. To acknowledge yourself as a divine human is to acknowledge that the truth you seek is found inside of you. But it is reflected back in the world we live in. 

When you appreciate the beauty of a flower, noticing the sacred geometric patterns, the colors that nature has created, the journey from seed to flower, and the many ways a flower offers its service without asking for anything in return, but to be witnessed, holds much value in the heart of the seer. 

However, some will simply overlook it, chop it down, disregard its essence, disrespect its magic, and trample over it with their body, or by machine. 

The way you interact with what you encounter becomes your mirror. 

Your mirror of discomfort, fear, anger, jealousy, and hatefulness. But it can also be the mirror that reveals deep appreciation, love, service, and beauty. 

What you see is who you are, and by the way in which you react, shows you exactly where you are and are not currently abandoning yourself. 

Most of this is that you may not have been taught how to support yourself emotionally, and not make it mean something about you. Like, "I feel frustrated, therefore everything is going to go wrong for me today. Bad things always happen when I feel this way, so I know it's only going to get worse, that's just my luck."

Feeling frustration has absolutely nothing to do with what is going to happen today, unless your belief is aligned with emotions = identity + reality. Until I could better support myself emotionally and recognize that feelings are really just feelings, I allowed my emotions to determine my reality, and missed out on some really great things because of it.

Today, go out into the world today with a different intention. Connect within yourself heart center first, and then set an intention to encounter everything you need to to bring you back home to yourself. 

Be a witness to your emotional waves and thoughts as they crash like waves against the surface of your own consciousness. It will tell you the most beautiful story, and it is a non fictional piece that reveals key hidden identities. Identities that you can keep or put down at any moment. But the key is to encounter them first, to decide if they are vibrationally aligned to support and love the self, rather than abandon it for something else.

Journal about who you meet today within yourself with the mirror of your world as your guide. Free yourself from judgement and know that everything can be shifted and transformed - you are the greatest power in your own life, when you align with the heart of your deepest truth.

You missed the first and opening article to the series? Catch up right HERE!